经典搞笑语录 冷笑话段子

1．有人说我长得帅，我笑了，结果他们说我笑起来更帅。

1. Some people say that I am handsome, and I smile. As a result, they say that I smile more handsome.

经典搞笑语录 

2．事实证明，女孩子比男孩子更会泡妞，男孩子比女孩子更容易找到男朋友。

2. It turns out that girls are more likely to pick up girls than boys, and boys are more likely to find boyfriends than girls.

3．爱迪生与一对情侣去逛街，回家后就发明了电灯泡。

3. Edison went shopping with a couple and came home to invent the light bulb.

4．说我帅可以，但我警告你，不许说我朋友，和他们没关系！

4. Say I'm handsome, but I warn you, don't say my friends, it's nothing to do with them!

5．你应该去认识一个活泼可爱，美丽优雅，聪明懂事，细腻健康，能干勤劳，阳光好学，善良坚强的人，比如我。

5. You should meet someone who is lively, lovely, beautiful, intelligent, delicate, healthy, hardworking, studious, kind and strong, such as me.

6．上完厕所你是先擦屁股还是先冲水？然而99%的人选择先锁屏！

6. After going to the toilet, would you like to wipe your buttocks or flush the water first? However, 99% choose to lock the screen first!

7．你一定要和她好好走下去，我坐车。

7. You must walk well with her. I'll take the car.

8．你怎么那么黑？因为上天给了我一双黑色的眼睛，而我却按了全选。

8. Why are you so dark? Because God gave me a pair of black eyes, and I press Select all.

9．真正的兄弟就是你最需要女人的时候，做你的女人。

9. A real brother is a woman when you need her most.

10．昨天到外地出差，联系到一老友，电话中他说中午请我去全国最大的连锁餐厅吃饭。满心期待，尼玛，原来是沙县小吃！

10. Yesterday I went on a business trip to another place and contacted an old friend. He said on the phone that he would invite me to the largest chain restaurant in the country for lunch. Full of expectation, NIMA, it's Shaxian snack!

11．快开学了，别人那叫调整作息，我特么就是倒时差啊！

11. It's almost the beginning of school. It's called adjusting work and rest. I'm especially jet lag!

12．有次上街，手机掉了出来，顺带掉出几枚硬币，旁边有人说，看这手机摔得不轻啊，话费都摔出来了尼玛！

12. Once on the street, the mobile phone fell out, and a few coins were dropped by the way. Someone nearby said, "look, the mobile phone is not light. The cost of the phone is falling out, NIMA!"!

13．闺密找到对象了，终于我养的猪要被别人宰了。

13. The girl found the object, and finally my pig was going to be slaughtered.

14．四个女生打麻将，她们说不玩钱，我说那有什么就拿什么出来吧，结果我赢了三包卫生巾，两包纸巾，一包湿巾。

14. Four girls play mahjong. They say they don't want to play money. I say they can take whatever they have. As a result, I won three packages of sanitary napkins, two packages of paper napkins and one package of wet napkins.

15．不是说好要做彼此的天使的吗！那行，我是天。

15. Didn't they say that they should be each other's angels! All right, I'm God.

16．晚上准备睡觉，刚上床老公就喊起来：老婆，昨天儿子尿床了，叫你早上把被子拿出去晒，你没晒么？老婆：我晒了啊老公：尼玛，今天天气这么好，被子都没有晒干啊？你放哪晒的？老婆：哦，放在朋友圈啊

16. In the evening, when I was ready to go to bed, my husband shouted: "my wife, my son wet the bed yesterday. I asked you to take the quilt out in the morning and dry it. Didn't you dry it?"? Wife: I'm in the sun. Husband: NIMA, it's such a fine day today that the quilt hasn't been dried? Where did you put it in the sun? Wife: Oh, in the circle of friends

17．跳进黄河也洗不清的小明，最后跳进了长江。

17. Xiaoming, who couldn't wash himself when he jumped into the Yellow River, finally jumped into the Yangtze River.

18．刚刚看到一对情侣在路灯下吵架，男孩为了挽回芳心，居然跪了十分钟。没骨气，真TM怂，我当年可刚烈了，足足跪了一个通宵！

18. I just saw a couple quarreling under the street lamp. The boy knelt for ten minutes to save his heart. No backbone, really TM counsellor, I was strong, kneeling all night!

19．暑假只剩半个月了，该收收心，准备国庆了。

19. There is only half a month left in summer vacation. It's time to take heart and prepare for national day.

20．去女友家玩，女友红着脸问我：那个，要不要和我去卧室坐坐？，我的妈呀，有戏啊，我连忙试探性地问她：卧室里，有WiFi？

20. When I go to my girlfriend's house, she blushes and asks me: Well, do you want to go to the bedroom with me? My mother, there is a play. I asked her tentatively: is there WiFi in the bedroom?