无厘头搞笑段子 真是无所不用其极！

1．谁能把我成绩搞上去，连人带命都是你的。

1. You are the one who can improve my performance.

2．别的班成绩好，纪律好，又讨老师喜欢，而我们班，除了颜值高一无是处。

无厘头搞笑段子

2. Other classes have good grades, good discipline and are liked by teachers. In our class, there is nothing but high appearance value.

3．那些迈不过去的坎儿，还不是因为你腿短！

3. It's not because of your short legs that you can't walk past!

4．你不理我的时候，我就觉得你在好好学习，准备以后养我。

4. When you ignore me, I think you are studying hard and preparing to support me later.

5．网上说，世界上所有的事情都可以用两句话归纳：关你屁事和关我屁事。我觉得很经典，回去后我和老婆说了，让她帮我试验！结果她说了一句：我怀孕了我：关你。。。关我。。。艹，算你狠！！！

5. On the Internet, everything in the world can be summed up in two words: it's none of your business and none of mine. I think it's classic. After I went back, I told my wife to help me test! As a result, she said, "I'm pregnant. I'll shut you down."... Shut me up... Shit, you are cruel!!!

6．考数学就像当医生，反正出来第一句是我尽力了。

6. To test math is like being a doctor. Anyway, the first sentence is that I tried my best.

7．哥，把我耳机拿过来我觉得你应该说请字哥，把我耳机请过来

7. Brother, take my earphone here. I think you should say please, brother. Please bring my earphone here

8．冬天最流氓了，总是喜欢对我冻手冻脚。

8. The most rogue in winter, always like to freeze my hands and feet.

9．我对床上用品的要求很高，你是我最满意的。

9. I have a high demand for bedding. You are my most satisfied.

10．多希望有一天我们可以变回陌生，然后还能和你再重新认识一遍，你看我怎么玩死你。

10. I hope that one day we can become strangers, and then we can meet you again, you see how I play you.

11．听说过很多减肥方法，依然胖着过完这一生。

11. I've heard a lot of ways to lose weight, and I've still been fat all my life.

12．你知道你为什么没对象么？因为在这个丝袜横生的季节，你却穿了条秋裤。

12. Do you know why you don't have a partner? Because in this season of stockings, you wear a pair of autumn pants.

13．不回你消息不是因为我高冷，而是因为我手冷。

13. It's not because I'm cold, but because my hands are cold.

14．听天气预报说要降温，我就笑了，这哪是降温，这简直就是速冻！

14. Listen to the weather report and say that it's going to cool down, I laugh. It's freezing!

15．有没有出国旅游过的朋友？比如去过塞班岛马尔代夫啥的，快给我说说详细的旅游费用攻略啥的，我最近有个同学聚会，聊天时候可能会用到

15. Do you have any friends who have traveled abroad? For example, if you have been to Saipan Maldives, please tell me about the detailed travel expenses. I have a classmate party recently, which may be used for chatting

16．牛仔裤的破洞已经是时尚了，毛衣跟围巾的起球什么时候才能成为时尚呢。

16. It's fashionable for jeans to have holes. When can the pilling of sweaters and scarves become fashionable.

17．累么？累就对了，舒服是留给死人的。

17. Tired? Tired is right. Comfort is for the dead.

18．总有那么一个人，只要冲你一笑就把你打败了，比如，窗外的班主任。

18. There is always someone who just smiles at you and defeats you. For example, the head teacher outside the window.

19．当你暗恋的人也暗恋你时，这叫什么？想象力。

19. When the person you secretly love also secretly loves you, what is this called? imagination.

20．并不是所有女生都喜欢钱的，还有一些善良的女生也喜欢小动物，比如路虎，宝马，捷豹，悍马，布加迪威龙，还有天猫。

20. Not all girls like money, and some kind girls like small animals, such as Land Rover, BMW, Jaguar, Hummer, Bugatti velon and tmall.