微信朋友圈搞笑段子 恶搞幽默句子合集

1．你说你一直在我身后，那我上次掉的钱是不是被你捡了。

1. You said you were behind me all the time. Did you pick up the money I lost last time.

恶搞幽默句子合集

2．天没降什么大任于我，照样苦我心智，劳我筋骨。

2. Heaven has not given me any responsibility. I am still suffering from my mind and my bones.

3．我再也不是一两条关心的短信就会被打动的小女生了，至少也得给个红包才行。

3. I am no longer a little girl who will be moved by one or two concerned messages. At least I have to give a red envelope.

4．早知道生活如此艰辛，20年前那场游泳比赛我就不该争第一。

4. I knew that life was so hard. I shouldn't have won the first place in that swimming competition 20 years ago.

5．放假的意义就在于，一个说不起就不起的早晨，一个说不睡就不睡的深夜和一个说不出门就不出门的白天。

5. The significance of the holiday lies in the morning, the night and the day when you can't afford to go out.

6．洗完头，就算不出门也要自拍几张，不然不是白洗了。

6. After washing your head, even if you don't go out, you should take a few self portraits, otherwise it's not a white wash.

7．老师说过同学们，不要早恋，你们现在谈的，以后都是别人的老婆。我一听，卧槽，别人的老婆，想想就刺激。

7. The teacher said that students, don't fall in love early. What you are talking about now is others' wives in the future. As soon as I listen to it, I'll think about it.

8．像我这种人，你除了宠着也没有其他办法。

8. Like me, you have no choice but to pet.

9．遇见你已经花光理我所有的运气，我再也没有机会蒙对选择题。

9. Meet you have spent all my luck, I have no chance to get the multiple choice question.

10．我问同桌：如果马云给你一个亿让你吃一坨翔，干不干？同桌：不是我吹牛逼，我能把马云给吃破产。

10. I asked my deskmate: if Ma Yun gives you a hundred million yuan to eat, what will you do? Deskmate: it's not my boast. I can bankrupt Ma Yun.

11．有人问在我家乡排名第一的美景是什么？我回答：是我。

11. Someone asked me what is the most beautiful scenery in my hometown? I replied: it's me.

12．空气净化器是我见过的最会装模作样的家电，特别像教室里假装听课的我们。

12. The air purifier is the most pretentious appliance I have ever seen, especially like us pretending to listen in the classroom.

13．不要在一棵树上吊死，在附近几棵树上多试试。

13. Don't hang on one tree. Try more on several nearby trees.

14．做作业困了要睡觉时，就告诉自己：那是你的奏折，那是你的江山，那是你的子民。然后瞬间清醒，朕要做一代明君！

14. When you are sleepy in homework and want to sleep, tell yourself: that's your Memorial, that's your mountains and rivers, that's your people. Then I wake up in a moment. I want to be a bright King!

15．谁敢再打扰我写作业的话，我就和他一起玩。

15. If anyone dares to disturb my homework, I will play with him.

16．我的女朋友漂亮、俊俏、乖巧、天真、灿烂、浪漫、善良、可爱、苗条、机灵、水灵、飘逸、性感、勤快、玲珑、活泼、纯真、无私、纯洁、孝顺。难道她就没有一点缺点有一个缺点就是喜欢玩神秘，在我十八年的人生里她就愣没出现过一次

16. My girlfriend is beautiful, handsome, cute, naive, brilliant, romantic, kind, lovely, slim, smart, water smart, elegant, sexy, diligent, exquisite, lively, pure, selfless, pure and filial. Doesn't she have any shortcomings? One of them is that she likes to play mystery. She hasn't appeared once in my 18 years of life

17．我不说，你不懂，这就是距离，我说了，你也不懂，只能说明你笨。

17. I don't say, you don't understand, this is the distance, I said, you don't understand, can only show you stupid.

18．孟母三迁的故事其实说明她是有个好儿子，如果换了我，搬一百次家也没用！

18. the story of Meng's mother moving three times actually shows that she has a good son. If I were changed, it would be useless to move home one hundred times!

19．你任何为人称道的美丽，都带着PS的痕迹。

19. Any beauty that you are praised by others has the trace of PS.

20．考试前学霸的期末复习叫查漏补缺，中等的叫精卫填海，差点的叫女娲补天，我那叫开天辟地。

20. Before the exam, Xueba's final review is called checking and filling in the gaps. The middle-class is Jingwei reclamation, and the near one is Nuwa mending the sky. My name is groundbreaking.