最新微信点开全文段子 朋友圈点开全文搞笑段子

1．当你发微信消息给我，我没有回你的时候为什么不试试发个红包呢！

1. When you send me wechat messages, why don't I try to send a red packet when I haven't replied to you!

最新微信点开全文段子

2．数学老师跟我们说，你们这个年纪喜欢一个人很正常，但是最好藏在心里，想她的时候做一道数学题，等毕业了把写满了数学题的练习本拿给她表白，告诉她你有多么喜欢她，她一定会很感动。我尝试了一下，发现做完第二道题之后，我已经不喜欢她了！

2. The math teacher told us that it's normal for you to like a person at your age, but it's better to hide in your heart and do a math problem when you think about her. When you graduate, she will show her the exercise book full of math problems and tell her how much you like her. She will be very moved. I tried it and found that after finishing the second question, I didn't like her anymore!

3．如果十年后你未娶，我未嫁，那我们太惨了，真的太惨了

3. If you haven't married in ten years, I haven't married, then we are too miserable, really too miserable

4．一直以为我不会有小孩，直到我儿子点开了全文。

4. I always thought I would not have children until my son ordered the full text.

5．在网络上，你可能很喜欢我。但是你只要走进我的生活，多接触我多了解我，你就会发现我这个人在现实中，也确实挺招人喜欢。

5. On the Internet, you may like me very much. But as long as you walk into my life, contact me more and know me more, you will find that I am really popular in reality.

6．能把我骗上床的方法只有一个你特么还真点开啊，老子拿你当朋友，你居然想睡我。

6. There is only one way to cheat me into going to bed. Do you really want to open it? I take you as a friend, and you want to sleep with me.

7．有人问我有被追过吗？我笑了，这不是常有的事吗？就说说昨天吧TMD，那狗好凶的，追了我三条街。

7. Have I ever been chased? I laughed. Isn't that a common thing? Let's talk about yesterday, TMD. That dog is fierce. He chased me three blocks.

8．你们可别惹到我，呵，你是不知道，敢惹到我的话，我一个电话过去你的电话就响了

8. You don't mess with me. Oh, you don't know. If you mess with me, I'll call you and your phone rings

9．有没有懂跑车的朋友，求推荐一款400万到800万的跑车，要求性能好，起步快，马力大，舒适性高的，外观时尚大方，如果是限量版就更好了我拿来当手机壁纸的。

9. Do you have any friends who understand sports cars? Please recommend a sports car of 4 million to 8 million yuan. It requires good performance, fast start, high horsepower, high comfort and fashionable appearance. If it's a limited edition, it's better for me to use it as a mobile wallpaper.

10．有人说我不要脸，我说胡扯！这么帅的脸我哪舍得不要哇！

10. Some people say I'm shameless, I'm talking nonsense! I can't give up such a handsome face!

11．就这样，过了12点还没有一个人祝我生日快乐可能因为今天不是我生日吧！

11. In this way, after 12 o'clock, no one wishes me a happy birthday, maybe because today is not my birthday!

12．不管你整成什么样，我都爱你新版人民币

12. I love your new version of RMB no matter what you make

13．我终于明白了一个道理：人丑就要多读书难怪大家都说，一看我就不是读书的料

13. I finally understood a truth: if you are ugly, you should read more books. No wonder everyone says that I am not the material for reading

14．英语不好所以随身都带一本超厚的牛津英汉双解词典，只要是谁跟我说英语，我就拿词典抡他。

14. My English is not good, so I always take a very thick Oxford English Chinese dictionary with me. As long as someone speaks English to me, I will use the dictionary.

15．当你缺钱时，能拿出500的是同事，能拿出2000的是亲戚，能拿出5000的是兄弟姐妹，能拿出5万的是父母，但能唯一拿出20万、50万甚至100万的，只有我！这是我听过的最感人的高利贷广告

15. When you are short of money, it is your colleagues who can provide 500 yuan, relatives who can provide 2000 yuan, brothers and sisters who can provide 5000 yuan, parents who can provide 50000 yuan, but I am the only one who can provide 200000 yuan, 500000 yuan or even 1 million yuan! This is the most touching usury advertisement I've ever heard

16．有本事你点开好，算你有本事！

16. If you have the ability, you can drive well!

17．你知道女生都有什么缺点？没有！我告诉你没有！我们都是女生完美的！

17. Do you know what are the disadvantages of girls? No, I told you no! We are all perfect girls!

18．地铁上说禁止携带易燃易爆品，我默默下车了，因为我可爱到爆

18. The subway said that it was forbidden to carry inflammables and explosives. I got off the train silently because I was so cute that it exploded

19．小时候我以为全世界都喜欢我，长大后我才发现是全宇宙！

19. When I was a child, I thought the whole world liked me. When I grew up, I found that it was the whole universe!

20．明天是情人节，如果谁在明早凌晨5：20打电话给我，跟我说我爱你，那我腿都给你打断，那么早，我还要不要睡觉！

20. Tomorrow is Valentine's day. If anyone calls me at 5:20 a.m. tomorrow morning and tells me that I love you, my legs will interrupt you. So early, do I want to go to bed!