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1．工资就像大姨妈，一个月一次，一周左右就没了。

1. The salary is like a great aunt. Once a month, it's gone in a week or so.

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2．爸妈真的是一种很神奇的生物，朋友圈的什么谣言都信，但你编的瞎话，他们一眼就能拆穿。

2. Mom and dad are really amazing creatures. They believe all the rumors in the circle of friends, but they can break through the lies you make up at a glance.

3．当初那个可爱的我早以不见，取而代之的是更可爱的我。

3. At the beginning, the lovely me was long gone and replaced by the more lovely me.

4．都说女生是水做的，温柔，不会乱发脾气，我也是这么觉得的，只是我身边的都是雪碧的成分，得捧着，不能晃，不能乱掰，不然容易炸。

4. It's said that girls are made of water. They are gentle and don't lose their temper randomly. I think so too. But all around me are components of Sprite. They should be held, not shaken, not broken, or fried easily.

5．人生就像愤怒的小鸟，当你失败时，总有几头猪在笑。

5. Life is like angry birds. When you fail, there are always a few pigs laughing.

6．时间是最好的老师，但遗憾的是，最后他把所有的学生都弄死了。

6. Time is the best teacher, but unfortunately, in the end, he killed all the students.

7．回想这半辈子，当过最大的官也就是QQ群管理员了。

7. In retrospect, I have been the biggest official in my half life, that is, QQ group administrator.

8．今天玩手机斗地主十局场，玩到第三局那两个人聊了起来，聊的可欢可欢了，正当男方向女方要QQ时，我解散了房间！深藏功与名。

8. Today, I played mobile phone against the landlord for ten games. When I played the third game, the two people chatted happily. When the man asked the woman for QQ, I dismissed the room! He has profound knowledge and fame.

9．千万不要冲我放电，我媳妇那里有来电显示。

9. Don't discharge electricity to me. My daughter-in-law has a call indicator.

10．高三去银行办卡，柜台给我一张单子，我填的证件类型是：长方形...

10. When I go to the bank to apply for a card in senior three, I will get a list at the counter. The type of certificate I fill in is: rectangle

11．我不会眼睁睁地看着你往火炕里跳，我会闭上眼睛的。

11. I won't watch you jump into the Kang, I will close my eyes.

12．语文课，老师让全班同学背课文。过了三天，老师考背诵。叫到我，我没背下来，硬着头皮说：老师，我只背下了前两段。能不能宽容一下？老师说：好，宽容一下！前两段不用背了，从第三段开始背。

12. In Chinese class, the teacher asked the class to recite the text. After three days, the teacher recited. Call me, I didn't back down, hard scalp said: teacher, I only back the first two paragraphs. Can you forgive me? The teacher said: OK, forgive me! Don't recite the first two paragraphs. Start with the third.

13．书籍是人类进步的阶梯，电子书就是人类进步的电梯。

13. Books are the ladder of human progress, and e-books are the elevator of human progress.

14．时时刻刻要提醒自己，人生苦短，要及时行乐和睡想睡的人。

14. Remind yourself all the time that life is too short to be happy and sleepy.

15．理想就像内裤，要有，但不能逢人就去证明你有。

15. Ideal is like underpants. You have to have them, but you can't prove them to everyone.

16．偷懒这事，干得好就叫享受；死皮赖脸这事，干得好就叫执着；装傻这事，如果干得好，那叫大智若愚？

16. To be lazy is to enjoy; to be shameless is to be persistent; to play dumb is to be foolish?