幽默搞笑的说说 幽默搞笑的段子

1．想当年哥也是一个大帅哥，只是岁月无情，它摧残了我。

1. I think that my brother was also a handsome man, but the years were merciless, and it destroyed me.

2．最近在网上买了一盒面膜粉，要用蜂蜜或者酸奶调制，面膜到了，我就到超市里买了一盒酸奶。当我打开酸奶的时候，我感觉脸没有那么重要了。

幽默搞笑的说说

2. recently bought a box of mask powder on the Internet. It should be modulated with honey or yogurt. When the mask arrived, I went to the supermarket and bought a box of yogurt. When I open the yogurt, I feel that the face is not so important.

3．你走了真是太好了，不然我还要留你吃饭。

3. It's great that you left, or I'll keep you for dinner.

4．每当我减肥失败，每当我上课出丑，每当我被蚊子叮，每当我被太阳晒，每当我抱怨生活的烦恼，每当我感慨遭遇的不幸，我的死党总会及时赶到，对我说一句：哈哈哈哈哈

4. Whenever I fail to lose weight, whenever I make a fool of myself in class, whenever I am bitten by mosquitoes, whenever I am exposed to the sun, whenever I complain about the troubles of life, whenever I lament the misfortunes I have encountered, my party will arrive in time and say to me: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

5．听说今年高考特别严，关我屁事，反正我又不考。最搞笑最幽默的说说。

5. It's said that this year's college entrance examination is very strict. It's none of my business. Anyway, I won't take it. The funniest and the funniest.

6．枯藤老树昏鸦，空调WiFi西瓜，葛优同款沙发，夕阳西下，我就搁那一趴。

6. Kuteng, old trees and crows, air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, Ge You's same sofa. When the sun sets, I'll lie down.

7．一漂亮女同事，她老公给她送午饭，没说话放下就走了。新来的男同事问：刚才那是谁啊？她回答：送外卖的。新来又问：怎么沒给钱？她说：不用给，晚上陪他睡一觉就好了。男同事沉默了，第二天，给她带了四菜一汤的午饭，整个办公室轰然大笑。

7. A beautiful female colleague, her husband sent her lunch and left without saying anything. The new male colleague asked: who was that just now? She replied: take away. Why didn't you pay? She said: don't give it to me, just sleep with him in the evening. Male colleagues were silent. The next day, they brought her lunch with four dishes and one soup. The whole office burst into laughter.

8．你无法叫醒一个不回你信息的人，但是红包能。

8. You can't wake up a person who doesn't return your message, but red envelopes can.

9．今天去相亲，对方是个很文静漂亮的女孩，聊的很好，临走时嘴贱的问了句你平时也这么温柔吗？女孩淡淡的说：老娘平时这么温柔还来相亲？

9. Today, I went to a blind date. She was a very quiet and beautiful girl. She talked very well. When she left, she asked me a cheap question: are you so gentle at ordinary times? Girl light said: the old lady usually so gentle also to blind date?

10．知道为什么天妒英才吗？因为根本没人去管笨蛋活了多久。

Do you know why heaven envies talents? Because no one cares how long a fool lives.

11．炎炎夏日，看着满头大汗的快递员，我递给他一瓶冰啤酒。 他一饮而尽，打了个响嗝，问我要寄什么东西。 我说：被你喝掉了

11. In the hot summer, looking at the sweaty courier, I handed him a bottle of ice beer. He gulped it down, belched and asked me what I was sending. I said: you drank it

12．我可以给你六一节礼物，但你父亲节不给我礼物的话，可就别怪我翻脸不认人了。

12. I can give you a gift on June 1, but if you don't give me a gift on your father's day, don't blame me for turning my face against people.

13．暑假那么长，一定要找个会挑西瓜的在一起。

13. Summer vacation is so long, we must find someone who can pick watermelon together.

14．高考那年，我考了200分，而妈妈朋 友的孩子考了680分，那个孩子去了重点大学，而我只能去 打工， 九年后，那孩子的妈妈向我和妈妈炫耀他儿子又应聘了一个月薪过万的项目经理，而我，却在想：该不该聘用他。

14. In the year of college entrance examination, I got 200 points, while my mother's friend's child got 680 points. That child went to a key university, but I had to work. Nine years later, the mother of that child showed off to me and her mother that his son had applied for another project manager with a monthly salary of more than ten thousand, and I was thinking: should I hire him or not.

15．问世间情为何物，只叫人死不瞑目。

15. To ask what is love in the world is only to make people die in peace.

16．夏天，女生穿裙子我不反对，尤其是短裙，但为什么要在里面穿个安全裤。我愤怒的从地上爬了起来。

16. In summer, I don't object to girls wearing skirts, especially short skirts, but why wear safety pants in them. I got up angrily from the ground.