搞笑逗比说说大全 适合发说说的逗比段子

1．这世上没有谁离不开谁，就算是一条鱼，离开水也能烤着吃。

1. There is no one in the world who can't live without. Even a fish can be roasted without water.

2．读书是为了心平气和地跟傻逼说话，而健身是为了让傻逼心平气和地跟你说话。

适合发说说的逗比段子

2. Reading is to talk to fools calmly, and fitness is to let fools talk to you calmly.

3．要不是那年遇到一个自作主张的发型师，我早找到另一半了。

3. If I hadn't met a self determined hairdresser that year, I would have found another half.

4．切洋葱的时候我总是闭着眼睛，以为这样就不会流眼泪了，但当我切到手的那一瞬，我还是哭了。

4. When I cut the onion, I always closed my eyes, thinking that I would not cry. But when I cut my hand, I still cried.

5．做人要谦虚，多听听他人的意见，然后认真记下来对你有意见的都是谁。

5. Be modest, listen to others' opinions, and write down who has opinions on you.

6．是风，无情的把我从女神吹成了女神经。

6. It is the wind that mercilessly blows me from the goddess into a female nerve.

7．原谅我盛装出席，手握水笔，眉头紧锁，奋笔疾书，只为帮学霸垫底。

7. Forgive me for attending in full dress, holding the water pen in my hand, frowning tightly and writing hard, just to help Xueba.

8．今天我问一个同桌：假如马云给你一个亿让你吃一坨屎，你愿意吗？同桌说：不是我吹牛，我能给马云吃破产。

8. Today I asked a table mate: if Ma Yun gives you a hundred million yuan to eat a lump of shit, would you like to? My deskmate said: not that I boast, I can give Ma Yun to eat bankruptcy.

9．这个夏天，不出门感觉在浪费生命，出门感觉在送命。

9. This summer, not going out feels like a waste of life, and going out feels like a death.

10．有没有人和我一样，一生气就想买东西，一买东西就得花钱，一花钱钱就少，钱一少就更生气。

10. Is there anyone like me who wants to buy something when he is angry? He has to spend money when he is angry. If he is angry, he will be angry even less.

11．我的笔不知道怎么了，女同学只要一穿短裙它就不停地掉到地上。

11. I don't know what's wrong with my pen. As soon as a female classmate wears a skirt, it will fall to the ground.

12．现在的我，魅力不减当年，每天给我打电话的男人依旧络绎不绝，顺丰快递员，中通快递员，申通快递员，圆通快递员，韵达快递员

12. Now I have the same charm as before. There are still a lot of men calling me every day, such as Shunfeng express, Zhongtong express, Shentong express, Yuantong express and Yunda express

13．那些拧不开瓶盖的女生其实都是装的，你让她拆个快递试试，剪刀都不用。

13. Those girls who can't open the bottle cap are actually packed. You ask her to open a courier to try, but they don't need scissors.

14．何以解忧，唯有暴富。

14. How to solve the problem? Only the rich.

15．如果常年单身，你就得反思一下自己是不是对性别要求太严格了。

15. If you are single all year round, you need to reflect on whether you are too strict with gender requirements.

16．我是一个特别内向的人有多内向？刚才买东西老板多找了我50块，我都没好意思退给他

16. How introverted am I? Just now, the shopkeeper asked me for 50 yuan more. I didn't have a good time to return it to him