搞笑段子大全 搞笑段子精选

1．我学的是神圣的知识，你怎么能用分数来衡量，这是对艺术的玷污！

1. What I learned is divine knowledge. How can you measure it by score? It's a stain on art!

搞笑段子精选

2．身边会有一群关心你的人，他们会问你发生什么事，听听你的失败经验，然后心满意足地离开。

2. There will be a group of people who care about you. They will ask you what happened, listen to your failure experience, and leave contentedly.

3．天越来越冷了，以后如果我不回复你消息，不是我高冷，是我手冷。

3. It's getting colder and colder. If I don't reply to you later, it's not my high cold, it's my hand cold.

4．地铁上人很多，我在闺蜜耳边轻声抱怨说：我脚都站麻了！闺蜜听了立刻大声说：什么？你都怀孕三个月了！我正一头雾水的时候几个人站起来给我让座。

4. There are a lot of people on the subway. I complained softly in my girlfriend's ear: my feet are numb! When she heard this, she said aloud, "what? You're three months pregnant! I was in a fog when several people stood up to give me a seat.

5．小伙砸，认识我这么幸运的事都让你赶上了，看来你祖上积了不少阴德。

5. I'm so lucky to know you. It seems that you have accumulated a lot of virtue.

6．当我讨厌一个人的时候，如果这个人突然说喜欢我，那我就一点也不讨厌对方了。就是这么有原则，无法讨厌一个有眼光的人。

6. When I hate a person, if the person suddenly says that he likes me, then I don't hate him at all. It's just that there's no way to hate a man with vision.

7．为什么过了十二点还没有一个人祝我生日快乐？可能因为今天不是我生日吧！

7. Why hasn't anyone wished me a happy birthday after 12 o'clock? Maybe it's not my birthday!

8．老公下班回家，老婆拿着儿子考零分的卷子。对老公大喊：这就是你当年带领几亿精兵，奋力厮杀，攻陷了我守了二十多年的阵地，留下的精兵中的精兵吗？

8. When the husband comes home from work, the wife takes the test paper of his son's zero score. Shout to my husband: This is the elite soldiers you led hundreds of millions of elite soldiers to fight hard and capture the position I have kept for more than 20 years?

9．谁说的一个巴掌拍不响，我给你一巴掌，你看响不响？

9. Who said a slap doesn't ring? I'll give you a slap. Do you think it will ring?

10．你有女朋友吗？没有的话想不想有一个，有的话要不要换一个，不换的话介意不介意多一个。

Do you have a girlfriend? If not, would you like to have one? If not, would you like to change one? If not, would you mind having one more.

11．在教堂听讲经的时候我们应该保持肃静，打扰别人睡觉是很不礼貌的。

11. When we listen to the sermon in the church, we should keep quiet. It's impolite to disturb others to sleep.

12．摊主看着她，真诚说道：我们这里的种球是全世界最好的。原价3000，进价888。看在你那么诚心要买的份上，活动价卖给你：2块5。

12. The stall owner looked at her and said sincerely: the planting ball here is the best in the world. The original price is 3000, and the purchase price is 888. Look at what you are so sincere to buy, the activity price is sold to you: 2.5 yuan.

13．有什么不开心就睡一觉，我觉得没有什么是睡一觉不能解决的问题，如果有，那就再睡个回笼觉。

13. If you are unhappy, go to sleep. I don't think there is any problem that can't be solved by going to sleep. If there is one, go back to sleep.

14．不要说别人脑子有病，脑子有病的前提是必须有个脑子。Shuoshuokong.Com

14. Don't say that other people's brains are sick. The premise of brain disease is to have a brain. Shuoshuokong.Com

15．隔壁那小子终于发誓要减肥了毕业招聘会上，有人对他说了句：哥们，让一下，你挡着我的手机信号了。

15. The kid next door finally vowed to lose weight. At the graduation job fair, someone said to him: man, let's go, you're blocking my cell phone signal.

16．到学校食堂吃饭，发现排骨不太新鲜，就去对打菜的师傅说：师傅，我发现这星期的排骨没有上星期的好吃。师傅说：胡说，这个就是上星期的排骨。

16. When I went to the school canteen for dinner, I found that the ribs were not very fresh. So I went to the chef and said, "master, I found that the ribs of this week are not as good as those of last week.". Master said: nonsense, this is last week's ribs.