2017经典搞笑说说 最新经典搞笑语录

1．你永远无法叫醒一个不回你信息的人，但红包能。

1. You can never wake up a person who doesn't return your message, but red envelopes can.

最新经典搞笑语录

2．听说第一胎是男孩说明母亲智商高，是女孩说明父亲智商高，敢不敢和我拼一回智商 。

2. It's said that the first child is a boy, which means that the mother's IQ is high, while the girl's indicates that the father's IQ is high. Dare to compete with me for my IQ.

3．上完厕所你是先擦屁股还是先冲水？然而，99%的人选择先锁屏。

3. After going to the toilet, would you like to wipe your buttocks or flush the water first? However, 99% chose to lock the screen first.

4．刚刚我趴在楼上阳台吃馅饼，听到楼下有一对男女的谈话，男孩说：你能和我谈恋爱吗？女孩冷冷地说：想和我谈，除非天上掉馅饼我一听，顺势就把馅饼丢到了女孩头上加油吧，兄弟，只能帮你到这儿了！

4. Just now I was eating pie on the balcony upstairs. I heard a conversation between a couple of men and women downstairs. The boy said: can you fall in love with me? The girl said coldly: if you want to talk to me, I will throw the pie on the girl's head as soon as I hear the pie in the sky. Come on, brother, I can only help you here!

5．知道自己有多恶心吗，当你妈妈第一次感觉到你的存在时她吐了！

5. Do you know how disgusting you are? When your mother first felt your presence, she vomited!

6．中文是很神奇的，比如说同样一个字，你说哦，会被认为是敷衍。说哦哦就是很积极的回应。说哦哦哦，会被认为是叫床。

6. Chinese is very magical. For example, if you say the same word, it will be considered perfunctory. Saying Oh Oh is a very positive response. Say oh oh oh, it'll be considered a call to bed.

7．姑娘别急迟早有人举着戒指对你说，对不起让一让，你挡着我女朋友了。经典搞笑说说大全。

7. Girl, don't worry. Someone will hold up the ring and say to you sooner or later, I'm sorry to give in. You're blocking my girlfriend. Classic funny talk about Daquan.

8．乌龟受伤，让蜗牛去买药。过了两个小时，蜗牛还没回来。乌龟急了，骂道：他妈的再不回来老子就死了!这时门外传来了蜗牛的声音：你他妈再说老子不去了！

8. If the tortoise is injured, ask the snail to buy medicine. Two hours later, the snail hasn't come back. The tortoise was in a hurry and scolded: "I'll die if I don't come back! At this time, there was a snail's voice outside the door: you say I won't go again!

9．只想问一句，我们回不去了吗是的，现在宿舍关门了

9. Just to ask, can't we go back? Yes, the dormitory is closed now

10．爸爸说我如果考好了就会给我五百，我却考了不及格，我用事实证明了我不是一个会为钱而动心的人!

10. Dad said that if I do well in the exam, I will give 500, but I failed in the exam. I have proved with facts that I am not a person who will be moved by money!

11．新生没一个正经的，不去抢学长学姐，就一个劲的抢饭吃。

11. None of the freshmen is serious. If they don't rob the elder and the elder, they will rob the rice.

12．真的很幸运，很感激找到婚前婚后态度一样的老公，比如生日礼物，圣诞节礼物，情人节礼物婚前没有，婚后依然没有，始终如一。

12. I'm really lucky to find a husband with the same attitude before and after marriage, such as birthday gift, Christmas gift and Valentine's Day gift. They didn't before marriage and still haven't after marriage.

13．握不住的手还是趁早放开吧，那也太胖了。

13. Let go of the hand you can't hold. It's too fat.

14．不要以为一个妹子有很多人追就很牛逼，一个脏了的足球还有22个人追，他们的目的只是射门。

14. Don't think that a girl who has a lot of people chasing is very powerful. A dirty football has 22 people chasing. Their purpose is to shoot.

15．长得帅的才叫壁咚，长得丑的只能叫进击的巨人。

15. A handsome man is a wallop, and an ugly one is a giant.

16．我妈挖了一勺西瓜没拿稳，掉地上了，她捡起来就要往我嘴里塞，看见我很诧异地看着她，突然反应过来笑着说：不好意思啊，我还以为你还是小时候呢！！！突然感觉胸口有点疼！！！

16. My mother dug a spoon of watermelon and it fell to the ground. When she picked it up, she would put it in my mouth. Seeing me looking at her in surprise, she suddenly responded with a smile and said, "I'm sorry, I thought you were a child!"!!! Suddenly I feel a little pain in my chest!!!