搞笑说说笑死人 笑死不偿命的说说

1.每次我临时抱佛脚的时候，佛总是狠狠地给我一脚。

1. Every time I hold Buddha's feet temporarily, the Buddha always gives me a firm kick.

笑死不偿命的说说

2.当你生活不顺心的时候，不要慌，看看你的钱包和存款，哭出来就好了。

2. When you have a bad life, don't panic. Just look at your wallet and savings and cry.

3.我来到你的城市，你却不请我吃顿饭。

3. I came to your city, but you didn't invite me to dinner.

4.就在昨天，北大给了我们学校一个保送的名额，但当时我并没有选择去北大，一方面我不太喜欢北京的节奏，另一方面，被保送的那个人不是我。

4. Just yesterday, Peking University gave our school a place to go on a tour, but at that time I didn't choose to go to Peking University. On the one hand, I didn't like the rhythm of Beijing very much, on the other hand, the person who was escorted was not me.

5.友情是什么？你智障多年，我却不离不弃

5. What is friendship? You are mentally retarded for many years, but I will never leave you

6.不用漂洋过海来看我，把你半年的积蓄打我支付宝就行。

6. do not have to travel across the sea to see me, your half a year's savings will hit me on Alipay.

7.全世界都在忙着谈恋爱，只有我在忙着写作业。

7. The whole world is busy with dating, only I am busy with my homework.

8.我现在就需要一个男朋友，然后绿了我，让我痛不欲生，发愤图强，挣到了好多钱，最后赢得高富帅，走向人生巅峰。

8. I need a boyfriend now, and then green me, which makes me miserable, angry, earn a lot of money, and finally win high wealth and handsome, and go to the top of life.

9.单身久了，别说拧瓶盖了，消防栓我都能拧开。

9. I've been single for a long time, let alone screwing the bottle cap. I can unscrew all the fire hydrants.

10.校长说：去年的大扫除是高一学生负责的，今年该轮到高二了。

10. The principal said: last year's cleaning was in the charge of senior one students. This year's turn is senior two.

11.不是我俗，但有钱真的很有安全感。

11. It's not my custom, but money really has a sense of security.

12.上课的感觉就是，老师扔给我们初级装备，教会我们初级技能就让我们去打boss，我们打不过，她再用她满级的装备打一遍给我们看，最后问我们懂了没？

12. The feeling of class is that the teacher threw us the primary equipment, taught us the primary skills, and let us fight boss. If we can't fight, she will use her full-scale equipment to play for us. Finally, she asked us if we understood?

13.总有一天你会遇到你真正喜欢的人和他的女朋友。

13. One day you will meet someone you really like and his girlfriend.

14.衣柜衣服千千万，只有新的最好看。

14. There are thousands of clothes in the wardrobe, only the new ones are the best.

15.别以为阳光总在风雨后，后面可能还有大怪兽。

15. Don't think the sun is always after the wind and rain. There may be big monsters behind.

16.很多年了我一直在考虑一个问题，那就是西游记里沙和尚的担子里挑的究竟是什么东西？要说是衣物，这师徒四人从没换过衣服。要说是食物，可每次他们不是去求斋饭，就是大师兄去采野果现在才大概猜到是什么。这么长时间他们一直是四个人。所以，老子怀疑是麻将！

16. I have been thinking about a question for many years, that is, what is the burden of monk Lisha in the journey to the west? If it's clothes, the four apprentices have never changed their clothes. It's food, but every time they go to beg for fast food or gather wild fruits, elder martial brother can guess what it is. They have been four for so long. Therefore, I doubt it is mahjong!