新浪微博搞笑段子 搞笑微博说说

1．拍什么不好，非拍前任，现在好了，我十几多个前任都在找我复合，我在外面躲着都不敢回家了。

1. It's not good to take pictures. I'm not the former. Now, more than ten of my predecessors are looking for me to get back together. I dare not go home even hiding outside.

2．有些人表面见多识广，背后却连小猪佩奇都没看过。

2. some people are very knowledgeable, but not even piggy.

3．美人鱼是假的，至少在中国历史上肯定不存在，否则一定会有烹饪方法和口感疗效流传下来。

 搞笑微博说说

3. The mermaid is fake, at least not in Chinese history, or there will be cooking methods and taste effects handed down.

4．睡不着无非三个原因，手里有部手机，心里住着个傻逼，肚子里有只咕咕鸡。

4. There are three reasons why I can't sleep. I have a mobile phone in my hand, a fool in my heart, and a cooing chicken in my stomach.

5．我在宾馆收银台工作，一天一对男女来开房， 女的态度很不好，而且骂人，姐不和她计较。结帐走时等那男的来付钱，我说：那位女士是我们的老顾客，这次半价。

5. I work at the cashier of the hotel. A couple of men and women come to open a room one day. The attitude of women is very bad, and they scold each other. My sister doesn't care about her. When I checked out and left, I waited for the man to pay. I said: that lady is our regular customer, half price this time.

6．励志，是穷人干的事情，有钱人都在假装教人放下。

6. Encouragement is the work of the poor. The rich pretend to teach people to let go.

7．00年出生的人有着其他年代不可比拟的优势。什么？我们是能最快算出自己今年几岁的人。

People born in 7.00 have incomparable advantages in other years. what? We are the quickest to figure out how old we are.

8．好朋友都脱单了，而我就比较厉害了，我脱发。

8. All my good friends have taken off the single, and I am more powerful. I have hair loss.

9．终于鼓起勇气把男神约出来吃饭，想把自己灌醉给他机会，于是不停喝酒！男神突然抓住我手腕，羞得人家小心脏扑通扑通的，他道：说好了你请我吃饭的，你该不会想喝醉赖账吧？我

9. Finally summon up the courage to invite the God of man out for dinner. He wants to give him a chance to get drunk, so he keeps drinking! The God of man suddenly grabbed my wrist and was so ashamed that his little heart was beating. He said, "well, you invited me to dinner. Would you like to get drunk and pay for it?"? I

10．有人说我不要脸，这话一听就是嫉妒我，这么帅我哪舍得不要？

10. Some people say that I don't want to be shameful. They are just jealous of me. How can I give up being so handsome?

11．为什么要提醒我钱不是万能的？我才没那么贪心呢。我只想要钱而已，就没指望它万能。

11. Why remind me that money is not everything? I'm not that greedy. I just want money, not everything.

12．他从小立志当一名劫富济贫的英雄，现在终于实现了梦想，他把我所盗来的东西都分给了周围的人，经过他的不懈努力，人们给他起了一个非常响亮的名字叫：盗图狗。

12. He was determined to be a hero who robbed the rich and helped the poor when he was young, and now he has finally realized his dream. He has given all the stolen things to the people around him. Through his unremitting efforts, people have given him a very loud name: stolen dog.

13．高手是什么？就是能在一瞬间判断出对手的意图，然后把对手击杀于无形之中比如我：妈，我想......我妈： 没钱！

13. What is a master? It is to be able to judge the opponent's intention in a moment, and then kill the opponent in the invisible, such as me: Mom, I want to... Mom: no money!

14．要出去走走了，毕竟这么好的一张脸总是藏在家里，是社会的一大损失。

14. To go out for a walk, after all, such a good face is always hidden at home, which is a great loss to the society.

15．有一种友情叫冻手之交，手再冷我也要及时回你信息，如果我没有回复你，说明你不值得我冻手。

15. There is a kind of friendship called frozen hand. If the hand is cold again, I will return your information in time. If I don't reply to you, it means that you are not worth my frozen hand.

16．如果贫穷限制了你的想象力，为什么你还能想出那么多省钱的办法？

16. If poverty limits your imagination, why can you think of so many ways to save money?