笑话经典段子 气坏你笑晕你的熊孩子

1、儿子叫了几个同学来家里玩。作为一个开明的家长，我把他们当作朋友，跟他们聊游戏、谈人生。

笑话经典段子

1. The son called several students to come to play at home. As an enlightened parent, I regard them as friends and talk about games and life with them.

后来我出去买菜，在门外听到有人说：“你爸真不简单，终于肯走了。”

Later when I went out to buy vegetables, I heard someone outside the door saying, "your father is really not easy. He is willing to leave at last."

2、刚刚翻看儿子的作业，有一题目要求用“一边。。。一边”造句。

2. I have just looked through my son's homework. One of the questions asked to use "one side... Make sentences on one side.

他写得是：一对男女在打架，我不知道该帮谁，因为一边是爸爸，一边是妈妈。。。

He wrote: a couple of men and women are fighting, I don't know who to help, because one side is the father, the other is the mother...

3、在家里看多了亲戚来往，女儿晚上吃饭发飙啦：你俩真会演戏！我爸家亲戚夸我妈，我妈家亲戚夸我爸，整的跟模范夫妻一样，我就想问问，家里没客人时，你俩为啥都叫我洗碗？

3. I saw a lot of relatives at home, and my daughter was furious at dinner at night: you two are really good at acting! My father's relatives praise my mother, my mother's relatives praise my father, the whole is the same as the model husband and wife, I want to ask, why do you both ask me to wash dishes when there are no guests at home?

4、楼下溜狗，有个小女孩跑到狗狗面前，问我：“阿姨，可以摸一下狗狗吗？”

4. Downstairs to walk the dog, a little girl ran to the dog, asked me: "Auntie, can you touch the dog?"

我：“叫姐姐！ ”

My sister

小女孩：“阿姨，可以摸一下姐姐吗？”

Little girl: "Auntie, can you touch my sister?"

我#$%~#@

I'm~#@

5、今天同学聚会，媳妇上班去了我就带着女儿一起去。

5. Today, when my daughter-in-law went to work, I took my daughter with me.

聊没多大会，一些人开始炫富了，好家伙都在秀表。

We didn't talk much. Some people began to show off their wealth. All the good guys were on show.

这个说劳力士的，多少万，那个说限量版的多少万。

This is Rolex, and that is limited edition.

我家女儿接了一句说：你们的手表没我爸爸的好，我爸爸的手表能打电话还能拍照呢。

My daughter answered, "your watch is not as good as my father's, my father's watch can make phone calls and take photos.".

我。。。。。

I.....

6、早上给儿子倒水喝：你看，这杯是热水，那杯是凉水，都不能喝。要把两杯水倒在一起中和一下，变成温水就能喝了。

6. Pour water for my son in the morning: you see, this cup is hot water, and that cup is cold water. You can't drink it. Pour two glasses of water together and neutralize it. Turn it into warm water and drink it.

晚上睡觉前，我埋怨道：现在这天气，盖厚被子有点热，盖薄被子又有点冷。。。

Before going to bed at night, I complained: it's a little hot to cover a thick quilt and a little cold to cover a thin quilt...

儿子马上来句：我知道了！那晚上就把厚被子薄被子都盖上，这样中和一下，就刚好了！

The son immediately said: I know! That night, I will cover all the thick and thin quilts, so as to neutralize them, just in time!

7、父亲：“你真的有孩子了？”

7. Father: "do you really have children?"

女儿：“是的，是大夫跟我说的。”

Daughter: "yes, the doctor told me."

“孩子的爸爸是谁？”

"Who is the father of the child?"

“不知道，大夫没说。”

"I don't know," the doctor didn't say